Jenster's Musings

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

New Life Resolution

It's that time again. A new year, a new beginning, a chance to do all those things I planned on doing last year but never quite managed. I don't make resolutions. I make goals. Because I know me, I see resolutions as a set up for failure. I realize making a goal is the same thing, but I'm big into semantics and goals sounds better to me than resolutions.

I hope it's safe to say that most of you who read my blabbering know I'm a Christian. Jenster's Musings, however, is not a Christian blog. Some of my favorite blogs are the ones which encourage me in my walk with Christ; teach me something new about the Bible; show me a side of God I hadn't seen before; convict me with a truth I'd maybe been ignoring – that sort of thing. Those blogs have a specific purpose and I'm very blessed by them. The intent of this blog is very different.

You don't have to be a Christian to read my blog. I don't keep my faith on the down low so as not to offend, nor is it because I'm embarrassed. I have several cyber-friends who are agnostic, atheist, Jewish, and I'm sure a few other things. No doubt we would disagree on a lot of issues, religion most of all. But they feel the same way about so many other things as I do such as family, friends, health, etc., and I value their friendship.

The original purpose of this blog was to keep friends and family apprised of what was going on with us after our move to Pennsylvania. That's still the main reason I do this, but it's grown into so much more. It has become my means of talking about breast cancer, what I've been through and what my family has been through. Sometimes it's my own little bit of therapy. But I can't talk about my battle without talking about my gracious and loving God. It's not preaching - it's just that He is such a part of me and my trials. Trying to separate my faith from what I've dealt with for the last two-and-a-half years would be like trying to take the eggs out of the cake batter after you've mixed it all together. Impossible.

Not for a nano-second will I apologize for "offending" a non-Christian with my God talk. Nor do I usually put a "Warning: Spiritual Discussion" at the beginning of my more personal faith posts. But I wonder if my content is misleading. Do you know I am passionate about God? That I love to worship Him? That I pray about everything and earnestly try to follow His leading? That my relationship with Christ is even more important to me than my family? (I hesitated in writing the last comment because it can be taken the wrong way. I love my husband, my children, and my extended family more than my own life and would gladly do just about anything for them. But I won't give up my faith for any of them.) Do you know that sometimes when I'm listening to worship music I have to put my hands in the air while I praise God? And that I've literally been flat on the floor in prayer, full of despair, my heart in pieces, sobbing with emotional pain only to feel the presence of God and be filled with a joy and gladness that goes beyond explanation? If you only know me through my blog I'm guessing you didn't know these things.

Sometimes I think I'm less of a Christian for NOT writing about these things on a regular basis if at all. But how many of you would read this blog if that's all I talked about? The "important" posts I write are not about things of a spiritual nature. Like I said, that's just a part of my experience and one that cannot be detached from the rest, but breast cancer and everything that goes with it affects people regardless of their religious beliefs.

I don't want to be mistaken for either a religious zealot or a lukewarm Christian. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this anymore. I suppose just that the original point of this writing was of a spiritual nature regarding my one New Year's Resolution. I wanted to convey that, although I don't talk about my faith on a regular basis, it is my life. And though it is my life and I will not be swayed, I find friendship with and respect for all kinds of people – Christian or not.

There are a lot of things I would like to accomplish in 2008. They all sound suspiciously like resolutions: exercise more; eat healthy; get organized; finish my book; increase my reading; keep my house clean; budget better; pay off bills; save money; up my giving; be more hospitable - **deep breath** - just reading the list is exhausting.

But the one thing I want to be resolute about is getting to know Christ better. I know from personal experience that particular discipline seeps into every aspect of my life. And at the end of the year if I can say I didn't accomplish anything other than getting to know Christ better, then it was an awesome year.

This was the subject of Sunday's message and one that continues to be pounded into my head and my heart. Just this morning I was reading through my scripture journal (a notebook full of scripture my friend, Beth, and I used to email to each other when we came across something that spoke to us) and I came across this:

Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God.
2 Peter 1:3 (The Message)

It's no coincidence I happened to read this scripture today. God does this all the time. He tells me something, then He tells me again, and then usually one more time just to be sure I got it. I think it means I'm a bit dense.


Just so you don't think I've lost my touch for the irreverent, I'm thinking of asking Jesus for a smaller butt.


I apologize for the disjointed and convoluted nature of this post. Welcome to my mind. :o)

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