Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I'm Out of Control

I sat in the chair, playing on my computer, for nearly two hours this morning thinking about what to have for breakfast. Thankfully my coffee cup ran dry, forcing me out of the seat and into the kitchen.

I went from fridge to freezer to pantry to the huge Costco barrel of cheese balls on the counter to the fridge and around again. The whole time I was thinking, I shouldn’t be eating these cheese balls – I need to find something healthy, almost as in a trance. Something about seeing the bright orange coating on my fingers after about the third handful made me snap out of it.

I decided on something simple. Toast with crunchy peanut butter and seedless black raspberry jam from the Intercourse Canning Company (**giggle** I said intercourse). I know. Not the healthiest, most lose-five-pounds-in-a-week meal, but I’ll start that tomorrow. While the bread was toasting, I went to the pantry for the peanut butter.

Two shelves below the peanut butter were the Salt & Vinegar kettle chips and before I knew what I was doing I had poured a Shaquille O’Neal handful into a bowl. I didn’t want to eat them, but I watched my hand pick out the crunchiest chip and carry it to my mouth. I loved the chip and hated the chip all at the same time.

I don’t have the best eating habits in the world, but I usually have a little bit of self control. My utter lack of willpower was a bit baffling until it hit me. I had that most hated Zoladex injection last Thursday. The stupid stuff not only makes me retain fluid, but it gives me the munchies. SERIOUS munchies – like Cheech and Chong on a doobie bender.

I need to go to the grocery store, but I’m afraid I’ll come home with all manner of chips and cookies and ice cream and completely forget the milk, poultry and salad greens. Maybe if I eat a bag of M&Ms before I go. A one pound bag.

I see my dream of getting out of these “fat” clothes and into my regular clothes dwindling with each goody I eat. Hawaii is four months away and I’m probably going to have to rethink my wardrobe. No grass skirts and coconut shells for me.
Mused by Jenster :: 2:30 PM :: 9 People musing:

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